Today, when the clock strikes 12,

I will kneel before you and pray.

I pray for my own happiness,

I pray for my family,my girl and friends alike..

I pray for myself.

-----------------

On this auspicious day,

another soul was brought into this world.

And he has reached out to the many hearts and souls in life.

My path in life, interesting and full of lessons at every corner..



Today is the day, I find myself

And understand myself.


21 years flash before me,

And I live on, stronger than ever.

My resolve may have shattered once,

but never will I hide behind my own shadow..

I'm done doing that.


I get better and wiser with age, much like wine ;)

Now if I may..

Its been awhile since I lashed out/spoke my mind..
Lets begin with the introduction so that you'd understand how my brain ticks..

"I'm a 21 year old student, currently doing Medicine Degree program in Segi Uni, yes I was once in IMU and some of you might even recognize me from Newcastle (Australia).
All of those are true, and I'm not denying those. I opted out of Newcastle (Nuclear Medicine) in hopes of achieving something greater in life, being a Doctor.
And I turned to IMU for that. Now I'm here."

Something's missing,right? The puzzle is somehow not complete.. Lemme get to the juicy chunks in a bit.

Its intriguing really, how a person's perception of switching institutions is, over here compared to other countries. Malaysians,somehow frown upon such things.. And it is a hot topic among relatives, and seniors alike. Its almost 'sinful' to fail/switch Universities here in Malaysia. And what more, it makes a good meal time gossip story to tell. Come on, lets be honest.. you'd probably have gossiped bout that bastard that failed XX Uni or that girl that opted out of XY Uni some time ago. Even I do that..

The reason why it was so hard to break the silence and spill my heart (and guts) out, was because of the fear of rejection. The harsh reality of accepting this tiny little scar in my life has led me to become introverted at times. And honestly suicide was once on my mind, cuz I was unable to accept such a shame.

To be frank, it took me roughly 5-6 mths to come out of this ugly spiral. It wasnt easy accepting the fact that I had failed. And it wasn't easier talking my parents out of forcing me back to IMU. Seriously, I had not figure out what I wanted back then. I did not make up my mind,neither was I hasty in doing so ; If I did opted to restart the whole Semester there, then my decision would have been a pre-mature and half baked one. Reason being I have lost faith in the institution. Its not giving me something, and I couldn't find it till now.. That was..

The joy of studying.

I couldn't feel the reason I needed to study, it was nothing more than a dead pulse back then in my previous alma mater. Subsequently I found myself sitting alone thinking, and wondering bout the whole education system. And eventually, thought my way around it. The next thing that happen was a sudden realization, that I no longer want this. I no longer wanted to be a doctor. I no longer wanted to study here. And I lacked that flare, and desire to continue pursuing my goal.

"I was blind..
And left alone to die.."

That sudden realization, came to me on Exam eve. 1 day before the big finals.. That I had pursued this course half heartedly, and lost interest along the way, blinded by stress and a pre-mature mindset that I was a "very brilliant student". I was cocky and overestimated my own capabilities and limits. Fate did its job, and I soon cracked like an egg. All that was left, was the cleaning up and removal of my existence from that institution.

I expected the outcome. Fail, was on my mind. And frankly when I went back for the recovery classes, I could not pick up the mood and joy of studying anymore. I was permanently blind and lost. "Study 12 hrs, thats how a good student gets an A, if u do that u'll pass" says, Amy Teh, one of the pathologist there, who was giving us a 'pep talk'.

Honestly they encourage investing more time rather than studying smart to us.. I hate to show ignorance, but thankfully I learned otherwise, here at Segi Uni thanks to Prof. Hamdan.

Days, turned to months..
The pain and disgrace I endured healed,
though the experience of running through a bunch of schoolmates,
while holding ur result slip still stays etched in my mind..
It was utterly, humiliating.
And a 1st time for me..

I bucked up under the aid of family, my girlfriend, friends and counselors alike,
and found my renew faith to start anew, no longer looking back..
Not letting that ugly experience hold me back from being awesome.
I now love Medicine, and study it for 1 purpose,

I want to challenge myself to finish what I started,
and I want to understand my origins and the sufferings in life.

I have developed, a fine taste for the knowledge in Medicine study,
and I crave for more knowledge everytime..


I was once an aborted soul,
but that doesn't mean the future ahead of me is ruined.
That doesn't mean I am unable to score As,
That doesn't mean I was stupid,
That doesn't mean I'll let myself live in shame.

I come to u now, honestly sharing my experiences there,

I've been down, and now rose up again to the challenge,
and I walk on and on..
in seek of knowledge.


==================

My former alma mater reminds me of a case of unwanted pregnancy, where abortion is the common norm. Or rather, if I may..a bad case of fishing with a huge fishing net. To metaphorically "fish up" 270 students and put them in a hall to study medicine, then slowly cut down those deemed too "dumb" to study Medicine, that must have been one hell of a "fishing net" that they used. The filtration rate was simply poor. Or rather, was it me that was fooled by the fine words and namesake of the institution?

I find it unsatisfying that their actions encourage "in-born talents" to pursue medicine, while most people there frown on others that are "less fortunate". If u are brilliant, then u'd survive. On the contrary, instead of showing the less brilliant students a proper encouragement to study, they show u the door. Out.

And then u'd have a strict filtration system to trim off all these unnecessary individuals, and have the brilliant ones exchange knowledge, essentially "breeding them" to produce unique students. A haven for those that can cope with such harsh reality. This in return encourages a self-centred and "know-it-all" attitude among some students. Something I find, very very irritating.

--------------------

Those that were kicked out by the institution (that can't even provide a proper shaded car-park and a proper lab), now seek help from other Universities. Essentially making Us, nothing more than adoption homes.. I might have went to deep in thoughts, but I figured this whole cycle out a long time ago, I just did not happen to bring it up anywhere on this blog.

Honestly while some may argue that failure and drop outs were caused by an individual's mistake, it doesn't help the whole brutal cycle by an ounce when the University involved can't control their lust for money. Honestly, don't you think taking in 270 student-Doctor wannabes and then stuffing them in a hall is a little too much? For Christ sake, your abandoned ex-Shopping complex building with their cranky escalators could barely even provide a nice a comfy parking space, let alone the labs and dissection halls.

Come on, instead u provided a "practice area" filled with Sisters and nurses bossing us around on our "patient-doctor" practice sessions. Honestly, the syllabus are so much different here as compared to my former institution. 6 mths into the course and we bought a stethoscope, followed by hush hush off to the nearby Hospitals for visits. Yet many still do not know why Primaquine/Malarial Drugs shouldn't be given to hemolytic anemia patients. Or if Favism aggrevates a bad case of hemolytic anemia.
Despite such vast difference, at least I had found the joy of studying and finally understood Why and How things work.

All in all, the cycle I've gone through was a very long and tiring one. I learned a lot.. And have experience all the sour emotions and pain that comes with it..

This rant/blog was probably the best way to tell everyone that I'm no longer with IMU. Finally I broke my silence.
And for Christ sake IMU, pls stop chasing me for Sem3 fees and sending me result slips saying I failed Sem3, I WASN'T EVEN IN SEM 3 TO BEGIN WITH. F*cking irresponsible bastards, update ur goddamn system.

I'm now ready to rise up to a new challenge, and truly practice Life Long Learning..

I'm having an exam soon,
watch me scorch the battlefield,

The ground shall run red, in blood.

Till then,

An hourglass

To sum up my day : Went to watch "In Time", WASN'T impressed with the acting. At.all.

BUT was satisfied with the drive home message.


--------------

Well to be honest, the movie was rather bland and boring. On the story and plot perspective, it managed to capture my attention, for the full 2 and a half hrs.

By coincidence, the drive home message was related to the short powerpoint presentation I saw during lecture. U see, my lecturers stepped into class today and gave a wonderful powerpoint presentation.

It wasn't bout the usual study material. That sort of bullcrap has been fed to us consecutively for the past God know, how many days. They were doing much more than that. They were subconsciously expanding our Emotional Quotient.

The powerpoint related teamwork to the natural flight pattern of geese.

The migrating species of birds, fly in a unique "V" shaped pattern.

They have a leader at the center, but it doesn't hog all the spotlight to itself. As the leader gets tired, another of it's kind will replace it. Hence they rotate, allowing others to show their capabilities..

If at any one point, one of the goose decides to take to the skies alone, it will feel the harsh cold wind beating against it, restricting its abilities. The others will welcome and encourage this loner to participate and fly together. Together, the work done is amplified. And much more is achieved.

If any of the birds feel sick/tired..some of them will stick to it. Accompanying it, making sure it fully recovers, or stick with it till it passes away.

Lastly, they often quack at each other, encouraging each other to keep at it as they fly through harsh weathers.

The spirit of teamwork and synergy among members was so well demonstrated in lower animals *I don't consider my species more superior than others btw, but such amazing act fascinates me*

Now the question is, Why don't we see much of it among our kind?

This is the part where the drive home message from "In Time" comes in..

Individualism was pretty much all over the place in the movie.. The need of an individual overpowers the mass. Survival of the fittest was the theme addressed in this movie. The strong survive, and the weak die for the sake of the strong to live on. This sort of individualism was termed Darwin's Theory of Evolution. Moving into the next phase and securing a high position in the hierarchy at the expense of sacrifice from lower beings of the same kind/different kind.

I will take a direct quote from the movie :
"No one deserves to be immortal, if another person has to die for it."

Similarly, in a group, no one deserves to triumph over others, if the other members are to sacrifice for it. That is, disruption in group synergy. A negative energy that many fail to see.
Teamwork is abstract, pretty much like art.

Some get it, cuz they really feel it.
Some get it, but they 'understand' only bcuz everyone says yes.

Some get it, but they pretend.

These are the worst kind of people.

Personally I try to limit the amount of interaction I have with people that disrupt the chain of positive feedback among groups. Its never nice to see the same take home message for years only centered on the fact that you suck. I guess I've seen it happen before my eyes for so many years. Yet I only realize it now.

My exposure to group work and its synergistic effects prove beneficial after all. In a way, we were encouraged to survive as a pack. Not as loners.
In the end, though your achievements are based on your individual actions, the path towards achieving such glory is often never a lonely one. Often, we seek help when we are not sure. We seek the aid of others to push through difficult phases in life.

Hence the great string of achievements awaiting at the end of a long struggle, is never spawned from individualistic actions. Failure to acknowledge such a contribution by the team, is ignorance.
Ignorance upon the fact that our friends helped us, and that we are never alone.

"It is better to admit ignorance, than demonstrate it."

------------

During the 7 weeks of my study phase, I've been grateful.

Grateful and blessed, I have wonderful lecturers.
Though they are my lecturers, I'd prefer to fondly refer to them as my inspiration.
They are my tutors in the philosophies of life.
And they all encourage the same take home message,
kill individualism
and long live collectivism.

Grateful that I have wonderful coursemates, groupmates and friends.

Grateful that my parents finally opened the door between us
and we started communicating.

Grateful that I met my girl.
She resembles a large Energizer battery packed into a tiny frame.
She gives me the inspiration to write.

Grateful to God, that I got a 2nd chance at life.
No matter what religion background u are from,
it doesn't hurt to spend 10secs praying together before a class. :)

------------

It however pains me,
that individualism has spawned in my close group of friends.
Some had it a long time ago,
I failed to acknowledge that earlier.
Some display them on and off, yet fail to strike me.

Its sad but true, I was once upon a time,
a person that understood teamwork,
and the close bond formed thru synergy among members.

Time passed, and I thought I still knew,
what teamwork and collectivism is.

I thought I knew it.

But I was wrong. I lied to myself.
That sort of spirit was long gone.
It eroded like mud, under the rain.

"Collectivism is like a blade, it must be polished.
When left to rust, it becomes individualism..
separate pieces broken from a once sturdy blade."

It was not easy sitting down and thinking bout things,
the fact that I had led the group into individualism.
I too have my own portion of the fault to shoulder.

But the fact that I chose to be an initiator,
the very 1st person to voice it out,
the very person others will frown upon,
framed for spoiling and causing disunity among the group,
shows that I still do care bout us.

It strikes me as ignorance when others refuse to acknowledge a problem within a group,
Pinning the matter on the fact that we are all busy is ignorance.
Frankly even I do it.
I myself have many a time, claim to be too busy to give "a f*ck" bout other ppl's life.

That was me, being stupid and ignorant.

I feel rather sad, that such a concern has been brought up time and time again,
only to be shrugged off by certain people as nothing more than an attention seeking stunt.


My dismissal from the latest group performance has not thrown me off track,
Though it weighted heavily on me that I have to commit to another path in life,
I have never once blamed anyone for it.
For the issue was well understood by me,
and I never wanted to be a burden.


I am sad, but becuz I cant perform anymore.
I have no hard feelings to anyone, bcuz I understand the whole story.
Neither do I blame anyone for suggesting that I quit.
U are right, I should in order to not burden the group.


I am sad, but becuz I have seen individualism spawned in this group,
It saddens me that it has become the common language spoken,
Regretfully, I failed to bind everyone closer to one another,
I did not encourage any form of participation
We were once sumthing, becuz of how close we could relate to each other.

Not becuz of our dancing skills.


I choose to chase after abstract things,
only felt by the heart.

Viva la Collectivism.

Till then,
U know u have certainly grown more mature, when u start talking and reasoning out things that surprise even urself.. I have certainly, grown in many ways. Becoming more team oriented and positive.
Regretfully, another flock of geese have demonstrated better collectivism.. That is the painstaking truth..

Lost.

I am lost. Really..

Now, this isn't a casual post bout the story of my life..
No, this is so much more than that..

This is about passion, the raw emotions I used to have, when I do the things I liked.

This flame, that burns deep in me.. is now gone.

Extinguished, no more..

--------------

I have recently found myself getting back to dancing,
taking baby steps in being more active in participating..

But midway, something juz happened.

For the 1st time in my life, I'm struck with this feeling
I have never experienced before..

I question myself time and time again..

'Why am I dancing? What am I doing here??"

I lost the passion,
I lost the feel
Emotionally numb, I no longer feel the hype and passion for dancing..

Though I have yet to pinpoint the exact reason why I am like this,
I have been observing myself..
I seem to be less chirpy,
less happier with the way things are..
less happier and more tensed with the pressure of an upcoming performance..
I seem to take this more seriously cuz it is, after all, a performance..
I am simply put, less into this performance as more time passes,
I am tired, emotionally and nearly off the edge d..


I know the performance is right after my exams, no doubt it will definitely put additional pressure on me as I prepare for my End of Block exam..

I find myself unable to cope with the increasing demands of the team,
Not to say ur demands are unreasonable, but rather I am unable to deliver up to that standard..
I frankly can't oblige to a practice on weekdays, weekends and friday that often anymore.
Friday maybe once in awhile. But there are times that I must find my own personal time off..

I've been giving nearly everything to this course
(And I am very happy bcuz I got results that I deserved, and I actually enjoy my life in SEGi)
I've given whatever left next to my family and my girl..
And I gave whatever remnants and crumbs of my personal time to IX.
I find myself not relaxing, instead always running between places and wondering what to do next..

I guess those are minor reasons (or maybe excuses),

No matter what, I've lost all passion and emotion for this performance,
And I can't deliver unless I know what am I doing..
I guess I didn't really understand what Fang Kai meant when he mentioned bout 'us adhering too strictly to schedule and becoming more and more involved with dance.'

I can fully relate to his point of view now,
Bcuz all thats on my mind now is, When is the next practice? Can I attend? If not means I got more catching up to do.
I no longer find myself looking forward and enjoying friday.. bcuz now I dread it.

Its best I stay out of this one,

I guess its better for me to be by the sidelines..

All I am right now, is a dancer that can't dance.

Till then,


**btw this has nothing to do with my time management,
neither does it have to do with my uni. I kinda lost interest in the performance
and no longer prioritize it in the events of my life.
Thats all.**

Time capsule.

In a blink of the eye, 6 weeks have passed..

6. weeks.

...since the day I enrolled into SEGi University College for Medicine.

Time passes very fast when u enjoy the things u do in life.

In these 6 fun weeks, I finally understood things I never did.

I finally realize the importance of understanding things,

I am now able to build a concept on tackling exams, all by understanding..

Everything makes sense when u read 'em word by word and take the time off to understand everything taught.

It pays off and I find life more rewarding,
its more than the usual nerd sessions i have at the library or home.

I find myself closer and closer towards my goal, of becoming a Doctor.

And I must say, I'm having the best time of my life thanks to the proper guidance of the Dean and his group of lecturers.

----------------------

Understanding, in other contexts,

Is what brings people together.

It bridges the gap between 2 people, holding them close

The stronger this bond becomes, the more life becomes rewarding..

For now I can only afford to cover up this pain with work..

After all, work is like morphine to me..

I use it to ease my suffering, and it is addictive..


Something in me hurt when I read what others wrote,
I can feel the tears coming out..

Clearly I have not reached that level of understanding with u, yet..


But I hope,
and I'm optimistic,
that we will find it..one day.

The Midnight Ocean

Thank you..

You showed us the path to walk on..

You guided us, placed our feet on the ride track..

Then u proceed to let us explore the roads.

Though u never guide us by the hand,
u were always there incase we fall..

You pick us right up and guide us again..

----------------

Moonlight Ocean



Thx to u.. I've learned to broaden my horizons,
broaden my views on life.

I view the world in a more peaceful state.

My conscious part, residing in me,
awakens to the calling.

I see the world as one,
where all unite and eventually return to Mother Earth.

I no longer pity the living,
I no longer answer to the call of burden,
I no longer bow and heed the order of pressure.

I embrace my existence and choose to excel,
I want to fly as high as I can,
I want to flap my wings and soar the skies,

I want to tear through the clouds,
and fly as far as I can

Ride towards that little speck on the edge of the sea..
That little island called Hope,
I want to feel the warmth of the sun,
As it sets under me.

Then I will touch the stars and moon,
I will reach out to them.
Draw them on the black cold sky..

I watch the moon cast its beam all over the ocean,
together,I embrace my lover and see the ocean tides reside,

I watch the stars shine as the waves beat on my legs,
And watch the ripples form before my eyes
I embrace my love,

And tell myself how grateful I am to be alive.

To return from despair,

To view the world as a never ending source of life,

To view this chance given as a new start,

To aim and renew my faith,

I decide to fly as high as I can.

My past tells no story worth learning,
I left them behind,
on an island called Yesterday.

My companions,
some are of no value to my undertaking of life,
They weigh like anchors and I drag them like steel balls..
I drop them over the sea I flown by.

My attitude, dry and coarse like the sand,
Incompetence, idiocy and arrogance,
I left all over the magenta sky I flew by.

I fly towards a new challenge everday,

A testament that I am still moving and ticking,

A prove that I am still fighting,

A prove that I..am still alive.


Though come storm and heavy winds,
The past eventually catches up with me,
But fly forward and flap harder I will,

Though come cold breeze and hailstorms,
The present will find a spark within and ignite it,
But ignore, and concentrate on the island, I will.

Though come warm and humid days,
I will find the courage I had when I chose to fly,
And tell myself I have to live for tomorrow,
I have to live for next time,
I have to live till I reach that island,
I have to live till I embrace my love,on the rocky shores of Hope..

I can't live everyday like its the last,
for one day..
It will certainly become a reality.


I will never stop till I find this island,
I will need ur hand till then,

Till then,

Thank you,Prof. Hamdan

I..

"I.."

"I walk alone.."

There are certain paths I must attempt, alone.

I will have no help from anyone.

I will endure all the pain,
for the fruit harvested at the end of this gruesome journey..
is sweet and eternally rewarding.

I will never have a word to say about it..

-----------

"I move, by moonlight"

I act, and do things as told by my heart.

I feel, and act them out.

I slumber at the sight of daylight..

Only to re-appear at moonlight's presence.

--------------

"I bleed for the greater good."

I sell myself out for the benefit of thou.

Be it friend or foe, I hath no honor remained in thy.

I give more, for those u chose to give less.

I bleed more, for those who are selfish in life.

-------------

"I walk the roads less taken,
I choose the path of pain,
at the sight of a split road."

I walk onwards with responsbility..

I am but a shadow, stripped off everything.

I wield only one, courage.

And march on, never doubting any other option..

For it is I, that decide my paths and choice in life.

Responsbility over personal gain,
I deny thyself other worldly pleasure..


"I long for u,my Priestess of the Moon.."

Till then,

Flashback

Don't Quit

"When things go wrong,
as the sometimes will,
When the Road ur trudging
seems all uphill,
When the funds are low,
and the debts are high,
And u want to smile,
but u have to sigh
When care is pressing u,
down a bit,
Rest if u must,
But don't you quit.

Success is a failure,
turned inside out,
The silver tint of
The cloud of doubt,
And how u never can tell,
How close u are,
It may be near,
When it seems far.

So,stick to
The fight when
you're hardest hit.
It's when things go wrong,
that u mustn't quit.

11.9.2011

-----------
^Did I wrote that? Nawwwwww,I didnt lolz
It came from an inspiring bookmark by my gf <3

*A significant change*

Alright so Im back schooling again. *Yay~*
lmao..

Lots have been happening these few days..
Lets see :
1)I got enrolled in Med School
2)Im having fun
3)Its no where as ***** as IMU *Oh God.. **** YEA!*
4)Im back with a new resolve.. a new goal..a new aim *U get the point.*

SOOOOO Yeahhhhh~
Whats new u ask?

Well..
This.

SURPRISE PICTURE OF MY CHEST X-RAY
LOLOLOLOLOL
Yeah I was made to take a chest X-ray
Can u imagine how shocked the young radiologist was when she saw my tummy

Not . fun . at . all.
lol.


-------------------

So I went in all nervous
I was in the Uni lecture hall

And then the dean went on talking blablabla
We had the Vice Chancellor blabbing
*he looked like Albert Einstein lmao*

The 1st guy to intro himself to me turns out to be my senior

Follow by another guy,then it went on
Till the 2nd day,there were 9 of us in the group

Like..
9 jokers lmao

All have good humor *Including laughing at lecturers and nerds*
But are equally nerdy.
heh.

--------------

3 days later,we were the best of friends

8 meds and 1 dental student

Can u imagine? lmao

So we had a field trip on the 4th day
Honestly speaking,I knew it wasn't one of those "Lawatan Sambil Belajar" kind of crap..

Did YOU really blieve we still get such 'field trips'?
lol,seriously? To a Forest reserve?

Well it was more of a character building camp
A 1 day kind of thing.

--------------

For the past few days I kinda volunteered to be a leader
I lead the PBL group disguising the fact that I had previous experience

I decided to do it,since everyone was too afraid to lead

And probably its the best way to convey the msg that I infact,
had prior experience
SOOOO...Why not? right? :D

Today while assembling at the foyer before we departed for our field trip,

One of the girls recognized me
And hence pre-selected me to lead today's session at the forest reserve

I've been chosen again
And Im pretty grateful cuz they cheered me on to become a leader.

----------

So what does this pic have to do with today's event?

We were kinda instructed to construct a tower,the tallest tower using :

8 materials

Paper
Toilet rolls
Tapes (To hold the tower together)
Rubber bands
Plastic bags
TOOTHPICKS <= W.T.F
etc etc

The catch :
Ur building must have all the 8 materials included
And on top of it,it must hold a cup at the top
(where the actual height of the tower will be measured)
and u must have a stone in the cup.

Tricky,the only way to obtain other group's material,
was to bargain and BARTER.
There were 8 groups,and each group gets to choose 1 item
(which they can't see as it remains hidden beneath some newspaper before they are finally revealed to everyone)

What appears to me as toothpaste box turns out to be a box..

Holding TOOTHPICKS. gg.

lol

---------------

When the challenge is to construct the tallest tower,
naturally the 1st thing that runs in my mind
ISN'T about making something stand high and mighty,while withstanding the pressure and not toppling over.

Its about whether we can obtain all 8 materials

U see,the rule is u MUST have 8 materials in the construction
Not 1 less or else u forfeit

So my goal wasn't to stack the newspapers as high as possible

Instead,we settled for something lesser

Its stable,
Its nice and artistic

and lastly,its fun for the group

It ain't bout winning

Cuz frankly I've given up on that goal
The fundamentals is to have fun,not stress urself out

Lol its funny watching some ppl work themselves out over who is winning and who is last

To me,its childish
I've kinda mature beyond that level already

Kinda like "Been there,done that"
So to me,competing over a small teamspirit camp is fine
But some people juz take it over the limit

And kinda spoil other ppl's fun

All in all we still had a good time

And my team appreciates what I've done

I came back home,
A changed man already

Im at the helm of leadership again

And Im feeling great

Being able to know that I still retain a little of that awesome character and confidence in me

Makes me feel awesome! :D

That overflowing charisma is juz overflowing! xD

---------

Dear Im missing u so much~
Thx for being there for me,
when ****ING IMU trashed my soul

I won't let them stop me from being awesome now

Till then,

*Btw the Dean really loved our construction
he actually snapped a pic of it xD

The ladder of Insecurity

I'm climbing a ladder

A long one
*it takes 5 years to climb this ladder*

I'm afraid.

Insecure

What if I don't have the courage,the momentum to go on?

What if I fall midway through things..?

What if the ladder gave way?
Paving way for a long and painful fall?

Will I be able to get up again?


Thats right,Im about to attempt to *re-climb* the ladder of education

Whatever that awaits me at the top,is my future..

Yet I cower at the sight of this challenge..

Yes,Im afraid to attempt it again
I've fallen once,and it hurts..
like.hell.


This coming monday,I will take my 1st step

I wanna see how strong can human endurance go
How long can the human spirit and determination last

U have my words..u know who u are..

I wont be broken before I conquer all the steps
At least,not before I've climbed all the steps up this ridiculously long ladder


For those of u who still can't get what am I talking about metaphorically..


Im re-entering Med school

Thats right,
Go ahead and laugh if u want
Cuz I will have the final laugh when Im treating u ;)


Oh,and don't worry..
I'll be soft,and gentle~ ;)

Till then,
*triple post today ftw* :D

Renovation time

Alright assholes

I renovated my blog

HURRRR DURRRRRR~~

Yeah I can hear some of u jeering and sneering at this heap of cyber garbage I call,blog.

*slow claps.. followed by cricket sounds*

So! I need you guys to tell me what do u guys think bout it?


How does the font look? Everything ok?

THIS

ISN'T

AN EYE CHECK UP

JUZ TELL ME

IF U CAN READ THE WORDS CLEARLY.


Give me some feedback

Pls,and thank you =.=

Till then,

Educational outlook on the Graph of Human Relation

Alright,I guess its time for another random shout out from my Blog

Recently,my blog has been screaming things 'bout the New World Order etc etc

Today,this awesome mouthpiece to the inside of my mind,will serve as a board
Not the board from the word cardBOARD..no.
Not the board from the BOARD of Directors in some company..no.
Not chess BOARD,and the list goes on.

It will, instead.. serve as a White Board,educating u on Human Relations.


----------------
Subject HR-101
Human Relations and its co-relation with other fantastic elements in the basic Human life
----------------

Test
Time limit : Now-Forever


Definition :

1)Define Human relation in the most general aspect : (2M)

A close and well defined, intellectual interaction between 2 or more people.
Often stating common common interest,sharing of views and the unification of thoughts and expression via speech.

2)Define Human relation as it is degenerating : (3M)

A source of distrust,misconception,miscommunication,and misinformation arises.
If things are allowed to progress,it may end with a F*CK YOU and a goodbye,never speaking to one another,again.

3)Define Human relation and its co-relation to other elements in the social world : (2M)

Good Human relations expands the interaction with others in the social world.
On the contrary,BAD Human relations further reduces interaction with others in the social world.

4)List 3 factors instigating 1 party against another in human relations : (3M)

1)Source of distrust started by 1 party or the other
2)Lied to countless times
3)Actions to an extend,they are no longer to be tolerated.

5)Based on Question 4,list 2 resolution to such a situation : (2M)

1)Total loss of contact
2)Abstained interaction and speech whenever possible

Graphs explaining Human Relation :

Communication fail

Another communication failure

Failure

And,failure.
lol

Why will such simple communication between 2 people breakdown?

Thats cuz there are people trying to be funny,by doing this to another friend.

Graph for the average retard
How hard is it to be a friend?

Its suppose to be simple,no?

U meet another person
U introduce urself

And naturally,ur friends :D

Theres no introduction needed
Theres no VIP card to swap
No secret handshakes
No membership


Its that simple


Yet.how does someone screw up something AS SIMPLE AS THAT?
Its easy,they do not obey the laws of Human Relation
They are playing beyond the boundaries of friends.



Its amazing how 1 person I know falls under the red category
He managed to hog the entire red part of the pie chart to himself lmao
And he obeyed the retard's law of being a friend

By simply,messing and ****ing with your personal and social life.

------------------



This year,my friendship level with everyone has increased a whole new level
Theres a sudden rise in it
We fall,then get up and learn from things
So our friendship is definitely put to the test.

And then,theres the part with me making new friends with everyone


But then again,you don't need a graph to talk bout friendship level
Its a waste of time

Generally I don't stereotype against people
BUT,once in awhile I like to do this :


This is what I call a pie chart
Mentally portrayed and erected in my mind
Filtering people when I meet them
99.9999% of the time,people fall in the black section *I swear,lol*

But occasionally I'll come across some social crackpot who I'll never ever speak to again
Those are ppl I basically can't tolerate

AND,thats what Im blogging bout today.

<============>

After the long and elaborated introduction
Lets get to the main point


You don't have to be awesome to be my friend
I dunnid friends with benefit
I need long lasting friends,that can guide my maturity level


I dun like liars
Ppl that juz constantly slander,spread misinformation and paint beautiful stories


Has this ever been 2 way communication?

Sorry pal,I'm afraid it has always been a 1 way human relation
with urself.

Frankly I can't really remember why Im not keen on talking to u..

But I do remember this,to stay away from u
Like..away 'kind of' away.

Till then,

Invicible Threats

Those dully informed will pay because of ignorance

Those ignorant of warnings will face a harder fall
when things tear apart..

------------------

How many of u reading this are aware,or have heard of :

Bilderberg Group

Trilateral Group

Council on Foreign Relations (CFR)?

How many of u reading this,are aware of :

Al Gore's propaganda on Carbon taxes?

That Al Gore tried time and again since his appointment in the White Hse,
to implement carbon taxes.

That he and Hilary Clinton were in discussion about schemes profiting from Carbon taxes?
That he encouraged the ppl to pay a company for carbon taxes,
while in reality he secretly owned the company.

He wants to tax us,for breathing
For leaving carbon footprints on this planet

How many of u are aware,that health magazines label babies evil for producing carbon dioxide?

Its on the magazines..

On the internet

The new propaganda being spreaded around..

"Global warming is humanity's fault and we have to PAY for it"

The most fantastic piece of garbage this century.
How absurb is this?

-----------------

In the future,when apocalypse does come..

It won't manifest in the form of a big asteroid falling on Earth,

it won't manifest in the form of a giant tsunami swallowing up the Eart

But rather..

A coup'd tat..take over of sovereign nations
by the Powerful and elite bankers

Its economic terrorism..

The members of Bilderberg,CFR,Trilateral community are manipulating politics and economics to stir humanity in the way they want..


Start now,
read up

and be aware of the incoming threat

Don't wait for someone to plant knowledge in you
Do ur own research and read up

Theres nothing like waking up now
Rather than continue sinking into a trance
Obsessed with our daily lifes
Entertainment,artists and the latest tech gadgets are ntg but distractions


The time for humanity to wake up is now..

Till then,

*Btw this post isnt based on hear say,neither is it based on controversy.
its factual,I watched videos on the life proceedings and discussions recorded
And follow Alex Jones here*

Wind

When the wind blows by
It never comes back to the same spot again..

When then wind blows by
Don't expect it to sieve through again the next time..

When the wind blows by
Even time,can never undo whatever thats done


--------------------

Whatever that u mentioned

I have done it over and over


Asking if ur ok..

Being concern for u..


But when u tell me off like that

Then expect me to talk to u,do u think I will do that?

Lets be frank,even I get hurt sometimes


"Patching up a hse after the storm is fine..

But with the repeating storm beating on it,

Over and over again..

Even this hse,can't be patched back.."


I tried patching our hse back

So many times already,

Its getting to me,

then Suddenly,it strikes me that u no longer care
if this hse juz crumbles and breaks apart..



Now,is that my fault?

MAD.I.AM

A fork up my arse..

No...someone didn't literally do it..

But rather,it was hypothetically done..

The 1st surprise installed for me on this cold and lonely Tuesday morning (4am) was to get attacked..

No I wasn't playing SanGuo on FB,neither did I got physically attacked..
I received a very mild hate mail..
It was written very hastily,with sharp edges poking out everywhere..and last but not least,it was downright not very nice to read the 1st thing u open ur FB

Before I proceed,lemme sketch out what happen roughly :

So there was a small misunderstanding

That kinda made Person A unhappy
(and God forbid,but I understand why. People have done it to me before)

Person A wasn't happy so he told me he will leave something on FB

And so he did..

I kinda chose to stay out of the way while Person B and Person A 'worked things out between them..'
The rough way. Replying back on forth with CAPSLOCK. Q_Q

I kinda gotten lazy to read the whole scrap
So I posted on my FB something with relevance to Cowboys and guns
(U see..when I saw the way they worked things out on FB,I dun think anything will be solved.
To be honest,Person B is still kinda around the rough edges with whatever that juz happen)

So yeah,I made a reference to Cowboys :
That they shud put down their GUNS (and hatemails) before proceeding to working things out
Besides,who knows what they are capable of in such a rage

So I wrote something like : Put down ur guns before u hurt someone.
(Is that metaphorically wrong? Put down all that hate before u hurt another fren/loved one)

*skips to present*

So 4 days later,I receive the rude msg on FB
It was littered with "I" emphasizing dominance towards 1 sided views
(In this situation in favor of his)
things like : asking me to think in HIS shoes
I ain't
I disagree
I.
I..
and more I...

Not even a IMHO (In my humble opinion)

----------------------

I kinda wondered.. whats gotten into him?
There must be something wrong
So I went to dig around
and found a reply on another fren's shout out
I was the subject of blame now

Now,I rmb myself clearly stating that I WON'T participate in this little charade of rage and anger
It isn't my business,and Im open to LISTEN to ur views and opinion

or,if ur frustrated bout the other person
then I will LISTEN

I dun recall myself mentioning anyone specifically shooting another person/arguing/fighting/etc etc on FB
I never mention names,won't hint/point out who it was

I was kinda surprised when I saw the "I" being used together with another statement
It came out something like this :

"I ain't shooting around like a cowboy for no reason"

wait..WHAT?

The whole context of the paragraph was :
"I dun agree with what u wrote in ur comments. Maybe u got ur own way of thinking,and I got mine.But I ain't shooting around like a cowboy for no reason"

Ok..so I didn't mention who did anything,and he kinda steps up to claim responsible for it

Thats kinda humble of him,I guess..

--------------------

But seriously..

I wasn't all that impress

One thing for sure,I didn't mention anyone 'shooting around like a cowboy' on the comments section
So when I re-read what I posted on another fren's comment section

I found out it was in regards to how a person DEALS WITH ANGER
I wrote,venting it out isnt the only way
U can talk it out.

And then I got quoted and flamed
It started with Dun Agree and it goes on

-------------------

Let me get this straight,

U told me around 10pm that no one replied the mail
SO u felt disappointed

Then I went to sleep at 10+ and u sent me that msg around 11+
What happen in that 1 hr?
What went wrong?

Im not quite sure what happen

But I saw the recent shout outs on fb to be littered with things like :

Disappointed no one wanna solve it
Whats the point going Thailand while ur heart is in Msia trying to resolve something?
*or something close to that*

----------------------

Consider this a little homecoming gift
And I hope it gets straight to the point clearly for u readers out there

1)Theres ntg to resolve. Why so adamant bout trying to solve something that doens't exist?
Just bcuz I keep quiet and chose not to play sides or get involved,doesn't mean I sweep the whole misunderstanding under a rag and forget about it,right?

2)Whats the point travelling when u can't take ur mind off things?
Maybe its best to try and forgive and forget
Not easy to do,but trust me..it eases on the Hypertension a lot
Is it worth screwing a vacation over something that has been resolved?

Frankly I expected a sigh of relieve when u 1st pm me
But instead u were disappointed
Disappointed in the fact that no one replied that little battlefield u created over FB,called MESSAGES
Disappointed that no one wants to work things out
Disappointed that no one wants to resolve it,and speak out

Silence is everything in this situation,bcuz only time will help
Theres ntg to resolve bcuz its already settled among us
With the way ur going,leaving trails of fractured frenship all over the place in the wake of destruction..
I dun think anyone will be comfortable to work it out with u
When u pm'ed me,I kinda tried to talk it out,telling u its ok
Juz done think bout it
It'll be fine

but NOOOO

U came re-butting on what I said
Telling me it ain't over
Telling me theres something else to it

Who's trying to start a fight now?

Worst of all,with ur best fren

--------------------------

I know Im the listener

I know Im the counsellor of distress

I know Im the punching bag

I know its easy to let it out on me

Just,pour all that hate out and let it flow all over me
I know,bcuz after that u tell me u feel better
Ur not the only one doing it..I've taken and tried different rants from different ppl before

I shrug them off with a laugh and a "Why u zha me la?"
Then laugh,
to see u laugh along with me then apologize makes me happy
Bcuz I won my fren back,and he's no longer upset

BUT,there are times (like today),when I feel..

That Im more than a punching bag

Dude,I dunno if ur new to this

But Im UR FREN

Not a Urinal Stand k?

So don't piss ALL OVER ME,
then expect me to have NO EFFECT on what u juz did

Cuz dumping all ur shyt on a fren AIN'T COOL.
Its juz like smoking,it F*CKING AIN'T COOL.PERIOD.

I took in everything u weren't happy about

But all of a sudden,u found urself pointing that blade of distrust towards me

Before I can go "Wha..?!"

U jab it right into me

And

It

Freakin'

Hurts

My

Feelings.

-----------------------

I dun like being quoted and replied to

I certainly,absolutely DO NOT LIKE being quoted from something I DIDN'T write

Juz bcuz there ain't a war to fight anymore

Dun direct ur anger towards me

Bcuz what ur directing is frustration from the unresolved conflict

I can tell

U aren't happy that the issue ain't solved
And then u think we are walking away

Juz sweeping all the problems beneath our carpets and go : "Hey lets go for a drink"

Juz bcuz ur not happy,dun take it out on another individual

I can't really get what kinda of point ur trying to make across

But lemme voice mine out loud and clear

Venting ANGER towards a person regardless of whether he has a rock to pick with u OR NOT..

DOESN'T GIVE 2 DIFFERENT ENDINGS

Its always the same

The person receiving it will never be "UN-Disturbed" or "UN-affected"

Simply bcuz,ur directing ANGER towards him/her
Ur not directing the issue towards him/her
Its juz IM MAD IM MAD IM MAD CAPSLOCK all the way

Not convinced?

I'll give u a point
If u direct the issue,we can talk it out and work towards a resolution right?
There will be always the : WH- questions
Why? WHAT happen? When did it happen? etc

But,
If ur juz QQ'ing all the way,then mad'am..I suggest u keep ur pen1s in ur pants cuz it ain't very nice
If ur gonna throw raw anger
And disagree at every slight sign of comfort another person is giving u,
The one listening probably won't try anymore

Bcuz its redundant,ur mad
Why not let u cooldown?

And thats what everyone here has been trying to do
I know its harsh,but u pushed for this. Everyone here has been waiting for a cooldown,before re-opening 'negotiations' and start talking

Everyone is waiting for a cooldown
Then try and patch it back up

At the rate ur going,its gonna create a big hole between those at conflict
create a rift between ur frens
and create a split of miscommunication between ur loved ones


How do I know?
Cuz I've been doing this nearly all my life
Taking out my anger on others
They used to say My Emo-ness can affect the room atmosphere among my frens

Which is kinda true


Nowadays (after a fight with my girl,I've learned and changed)
I try to re-direct the negative energy

It starts with Why Im Mad?
Sometimes u'd be surprised
Juz ask urself that
I did,and sometimes Im wondering..
Why AM I mad?
This cures,and it works wonders

Next,if things come to worst
Try and re-direct all that dissatisfaction towards the topic on why ur unhappy
if ur not happy bout ur car,then talk bout the car and say why?
Dun say things like "How bout u try to put urself in my shoes,then u'll understand"
Cuz when u say that in a serious tone,its very VERY rude.

----------------------

If u do read this..

I hope u read it with an open heart

No one is taunting u

No one is trying to pick u off on a wrong day

Its juz urself

And that reflection on the mirror..

We kinda prep'ed our selves to work things out
By being quiet

So when u finally do comeback
I hope u also have opened ur heart

And look towards the brighter side of things

That I am here,as ur fren

Before,Now and Always will be

Ur fren.

I listen,
I understand,
And I take in all that nasty feelings u dun like..

But on the larger scale,
WE laugh
WE play together
WE help each other out
WE are always there for each other in a dire time of need..

I hope u can be there for me when I need u someday
(maybe its my turn next to rant to u lol)


k?

I hope so man

no..

I blieve and Im confident that u will come back,whole and restored
I have faith in u

cuz ur my fren,of course.

Btw,if ur still wondering why the Title is MAD.I.AM?
Its cuz its an obvious pun to the name WILL.I.AM

Dun be a MAD.I.AM k?

Be a FRIEND.I.AM

Last but not least~
Btw,I never like to close things up without a proper sorry and a recap
So yeah,being silent doesnt mean Im not saying anything
Saying sorry 1st doesn't mean im the coward for running away
Infact its the other way around,Im the braver one
Bcuz I dare admit Im wronged by apologizing 1st,hoping for u to accept my apology and calm down
Then finally work things out with u
Maybe u dunno me that well,bcuz this is how awesome my brain is
I'll never walk away from a problem,bcuz I cant sleep properly at night without resolving it 1st.

Till then,

The Hidden Threat

They watch from the shadows..

They plan from the shadows..scheming

They observe and plot

They are no longer a conspiracy theory


For they distract u daily

With things such as the latest handphone

With news of the latest celebrity

The latest songs,gossips the media


Watch it all here


Watch what ur watching,fox keeps feeding us toxic..

Till then,

Eh..I'm getting lazy =.=

Alright..

So I'm kinda getting lazy recently
This update is kinda big,full of pics (I'll let them do the talking,rather than yapyapyap all the way)

Genting Trip!

My 1st time taking the Cable car up to Genting

The view from top,breath taking :D

I keep seeing this sign wherever I go
My man brain reads : If u are a female,do not step on the escalator xD

More trees on the way up~

I met Optimus Prime :D

At the arcade..

Everyone is excited about the trip ^^

Can u see the Pagoda appearing from the mist? :D

A random Chocolate Indulgence cake I happen to buy for my girl <3
I treated her to it,and she carved sumthing for me :o

After the Genting trip,we went for K :D

Translation :
If ur taller than me,the boss says u gotta pay
lol.

Best trip EVER!
We gotta do this again lol

======================

Cooking at my hse + Stayover
(2 weeks ago lmao)

Wondering whats he looking for lol

The feast everyone prepared

From the kitchen,looking out lol xD

W.T.F? lol
:o

The fishy thing that my girl made
It was a delicious appetizer

A glass of milk! :D

Deformed sausages
They were STEAMING for 20mins :P

Whats he doing? -.-

The 2 boys cooking

Vege thingy
Looks like cow-feed lol

Dunno whats this,but I found this pic in my hp

Saw this car while shopping at 1u

My dear Alice~ <3
Dunno whats she so shy about lol

Everyone busy at work

Good job everyone :D

Time flies when u have so much fun...

Till then :)