Now if I may..

Its been awhile since I lashed out/spoke my mind..
Lets begin with the introduction so that you'd understand how my brain ticks..

"I'm a 21 year old student, currently doing Medicine Degree program in Segi Uni, yes I was once in IMU and some of you might even recognize me from Newcastle (Australia).
All of those are true, and I'm not denying those. I opted out of Newcastle (Nuclear Medicine) in hopes of achieving something greater in life, being a Doctor.
And I turned to IMU for that. Now I'm here."

Something's missing,right? The puzzle is somehow not complete.. Lemme get to the juicy chunks in a bit.

Its intriguing really, how a person's perception of switching institutions is, over here compared to other countries. Malaysians,somehow frown upon such things.. And it is a hot topic among relatives, and seniors alike. Its almost 'sinful' to fail/switch Universities here in Malaysia. And what more, it makes a good meal time gossip story to tell. Come on, lets be honest.. you'd probably have gossiped bout that bastard that failed XX Uni or that girl that opted out of XY Uni some time ago. Even I do that..

The reason why it was so hard to break the silence and spill my heart (and guts) out, was because of the fear of rejection. The harsh reality of accepting this tiny little scar in my life has led me to become introverted at times. And honestly suicide was once on my mind, cuz I was unable to accept such a shame.

To be frank, it took me roughly 5-6 mths to come out of this ugly spiral. It wasnt easy accepting the fact that I had failed. And it wasn't easier talking my parents out of forcing me back to IMU. Seriously, I had not figure out what I wanted back then. I did not make up my mind,neither was I hasty in doing so ; If I did opted to restart the whole Semester there, then my decision would have been a pre-mature and half baked one. Reason being I have lost faith in the institution. Its not giving me something, and I couldn't find it till now.. That was..

The joy of studying.

I couldn't feel the reason I needed to study, it was nothing more than a dead pulse back then in my previous alma mater. Subsequently I found myself sitting alone thinking, and wondering bout the whole education system. And eventually, thought my way around it. The next thing that happen was a sudden realization, that I no longer want this. I no longer wanted to be a doctor. I no longer wanted to study here. And I lacked that flare, and desire to continue pursuing my goal.

"I was blind..
And left alone to die.."

That sudden realization, came to me on Exam eve. 1 day before the big finals.. That I had pursued this course half heartedly, and lost interest along the way, blinded by stress and a pre-mature mindset that I was a "very brilliant student". I was cocky and overestimated my own capabilities and limits. Fate did its job, and I soon cracked like an egg. All that was left, was the cleaning up and removal of my existence from that institution.

I expected the outcome. Fail, was on my mind. And frankly when I went back for the recovery classes, I could not pick up the mood and joy of studying anymore. I was permanently blind and lost. "Study 12 hrs, thats how a good student gets an A, if u do that u'll pass" says, Amy Teh, one of the pathologist there, who was giving us a 'pep talk'.

Honestly they encourage investing more time rather than studying smart to us.. I hate to show ignorance, but thankfully I learned otherwise, here at Segi Uni thanks to Prof. Hamdan.

Days, turned to months..
The pain and disgrace I endured healed,
though the experience of running through a bunch of schoolmates,
while holding ur result slip still stays etched in my mind..
It was utterly, humiliating.
And a 1st time for me..

I bucked up under the aid of family, my girlfriend, friends and counselors alike,
and found my renew faith to start anew, no longer looking back..
Not letting that ugly experience hold me back from being awesome.
I now love Medicine, and study it for 1 purpose,

I want to challenge myself to finish what I started,
and I want to understand my origins and the sufferings in life.

I have developed, a fine taste for the knowledge in Medicine study,
and I crave for more knowledge everytime..


I was once an aborted soul,
but that doesn't mean the future ahead of me is ruined.
That doesn't mean I am unable to score As,
That doesn't mean I was stupid,
That doesn't mean I'll let myself live in shame.

I come to u now, honestly sharing my experiences there,

I've been down, and now rose up again to the challenge,
and I walk on and on..
in seek of knowledge.


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My former alma mater reminds me of a case of unwanted pregnancy, where abortion is the common norm. Or rather, if I may..a bad case of fishing with a huge fishing net. To metaphorically "fish up" 270 students and put them in a hall to study medicine, then slowly cut down those deemed too "dumb" to study Medicine, that must have been one hell of a "fishing net" that they used. The filtration rate was simply poor. Or rather, was it me that was fooled by the fine words and namesake of the institution?

I find it unsatisfying that their actions encourage "in-born talents" to pursue medicine, while most people there frown on others that are "less fortunate". If u are brilliant, then u'd survive. On the contrary, instead of showing the less brilliant students a proper encouragement to study, they show u the door. Out.

And then u'd have a strict filtration system to trim off all these unnecessary individuals, and have the brilliant ones exchange knowledge, essentially "breeding them" to produce unique students. A haven for those that can cope with such harsh reality. This in return encourages a self-centred and "know-it-all" attitude among some students. Something I find, very very irritating.

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Those that were kicked out by the institution (that can't even provide a proper shaded car-park and a proper lab), now seek help from other Universities. Essentially making Us, nothing more than adoption homes.. I might have went to deep in thoughts, but I figured this whole cycle out a long time ago, I just did not happen to bring it up anywhere on this blog.

Honestly while some may argue that failure and drop outs were caused by an individual's mistake, it doesn't help the whole brutal cycle by an ounce when the University involved can't control their lust for money. Honestly, don't you think taking in 270 student-Doctor wannabes and then stuffing them in a hall is a little too much? For Christ sake, your abandoned ex-Shopping complex building with their cranky escalators could barely even provide a nice a comfy parking space, let alone the labs and dissection halls.

Come on, instead u provided a "practice area" filled with Sisters and nurses bossing us around on our "patient-doctor" practice sessions. Honestly, the syllabus are so much different here as compared to my former institution. 6 mths into the course and we bought a stethoscope, followed by hush hush off to the nearby Hospitals for visits. Yet many still do not know why Primaquine/Malarial Drugs shouldn't be given to hemolytic anemia patients. Or if Favism aggrevates a bad case of hemolytic anemia.
Despite such vast difference, at least I had found the joy of studying and finally understood Why and How things work.

All in all, the cycle I've gone through was a very long and tiring one. I learned a lot.. And have experience all the sour emotions and pain that comes with it..

This rant/blog was probably the best way to tell everyone that I'm no longer with IMU. Finally I broke my silence.
And for Christ sake IMU, pls stop chasing me for Sem3 fees and sending me result slips saying I failed Sem3, I WASN'T EVEN IN SEM 3 TO BEGIN WITH. F*cking irresponsible bastards, update ur goddamn system.

I'm now ready to rise up to a new challenge, and truly practice Life Long Learning..

I'm having an exam soon,
watch me scorch the battlefield,

The ground shall run red, in blood.

Till then,