Lost.

I am lost. Really..

Now, this isn't a casual post bout the story of my life..
No, this is so much more than that..

This is about passion, the raw emotions I used to have, when I do the things I liked.

This flame, that burns deep in me.. is now gone.

Extinguished, no more..

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I have recently found myself getting back to dancing,
taking baby steps in being more active in participating..

But midway, something juz happened.

For the 1st time in my life, I'm struck with this feeling
I have never experienced before..

I question myself time and time again..

'Why am I dancing? What am I doing here??"

I lost the passion,
I lost the feel
Emotionally numb, I no longer feel the hype and passion for dancing..

Though I have yet to pinpoint the exact reason why I am like this,
I have been observing myself..
I seem to be less chirpy,
less happier with the way things are..
less happier and more tensed with the pressure of an upcoming performance..
I seem to take this more seriously cuz it is, after all, a performance..
I am simply put, less into this performance as more time passes,
I am tired, emotionally and nearly off the edge d..


I know the performance is right after my exams, no doubt it will definitely put additional pressure on me as I prepare for my End of Block exam..

I find myself unable to cope with the increasing demands of the team,
Not to say ur demands are unreasonable, but rather I am unable to deliver up to that standard..
I frankly can't oblige to a practice on weekdays, weekends and friday that often anymore.
Friday maybe once in awhile. But there are times that I must find my own personal time off..

I've been giving nearly everything to this course
(And I am very happy bcuz I got results that I deserved, and I actually enjoy my life in SEGi)
I've given whatever left next to my family and my girl..
And I gave whatever remnants and crumbs of my personal time to IX.
I find myself not relaxing, instead always running between places and wondering what to do next..

I guess those are minor reasons (or maybe excuses),

No matter what, I've lost all passion and emotion for this performance,
And I can't deliver unless I know what am I doing..
I guess I didn't really understand what Fang Kai meant when he mentioned bout 'us adhering too strictly to schedule and becoming more and more involved with dance.'

I can fully relate to his point of view now,
Bcuz all thats on my mind now is, When is the next practice? Can I attend? If not means I got more catching up to do.
I no longer find myself looking forward and enjoying friday.. bcuz now I dread it.

Its best I stay out of this one,

I guess its better for me to be by the sidelines..

All I am right now, is a dancer that can't dance.

Till then,


**btw this has nothing to do with my time management,
neither does it have to do with my uni. I kinda lost interest in the performance
and no longer prioritize it in the events of my life.
Thats all.**