Looking at the mirror..finding lost time..

Ok..first all I'm not ranting.Relax. =)


I'm just feeling a little insecure.Bout what u ask?Ignition-X..

Yes guys,I doubt myself in that group.

Being away in Australia for obvious purposes made me feel like I will be replaced.I just don't know why..Despite how my group dance mates said all those words,I just doubt myself.My ability to dance and choreograph..my ability to remain active.It seems to kinda fade in and out.

When I was chosen to join IX back during my high school days,I doubt that I will be able to dance.I was still kinda overweight back then for such a height and it became an issue for me as I felt less confident performing moves.So I became obsessed with producing a fit figure.I exercised like mad and did all sort of things to look fit.

Then came the doubts again.I doubt that I will be able to perform and dance.I have never dance in my life till I was 16.Some moves where hard*Waves and popping* while some moves were considered "gay" in the eyes of narrow minded people*Doing a signature pose when dancing creates a unique style that is yours..*.When I saw O-Jung.Ban.Hab and realised that my role was that of Micky's,I started coming down with a ton of doubts.It's not easy to perform up on stage and get mixed responds from Youtube.On stage you are who you are..if u think u are Rain then that's how the dance is gonna be.



IX pulled it off despite having a narrow contest with an oppostion team who constantly hammered us.We went on and continue performing based on demand by people.It was kinda fun though initially stressful*I doubt that I could manage SPM stress and dancing with IX*.We got supporters and was kinda known between D.J and D.U schools.



Though our parents were against the idea of us dancing*I argued with my mum and walked out of the car once cause she wudnt acknowledge my interest..*,we manage to hold on and our power of trust and friendship was put to the test more than once.I even scold my leader as I doubted his ability..But over the years we became really close as a dance group and as good friends.Who are others to judge why I cried?They would never know the pain and hardship we spend together.It was kinda fun to ponteng extra classes and I enjoyed our "hang out sessions" though we were sumtimes naughty..haha.



Now..I still doubt myself in that group.I just don't know what.I doubt that I will last and the fear of being replaced is constantly stuck in my head.It's not jealousy la..but there's just no self-assurance for me.I might be "kicked out" by someone and that is just clouding over my head now.=_=...



Now fast forward to our next performance,Mirotic.It involves a lot of courage to do that dance and perform it well.Screw what others think la..zz I'll do what I think is right.Hope I can join a competition.It's been awhile since we did that..

Oh shit..I am ranting huh?Daaammmmnn...

My dinner...Tandoori chicken and pasta.*hehe..*

Till then...