No one cares if you walk away,
or have your girl carried away..

True, perhaps you didn't do anything then,
but you should have kept away anyways.

As for me, if only I realized earlier..

Regret is a feeling that doesn't manifest when we are conscious,
because we guard our emotions.
But play a sad song,
or show a sad scene,
or perhaps wait till the night is late,
when we are no longer guarding those emotions like a treasure chest..

It flows out, just as your tears will.

Why am I looking back again?
Honestly I have no idea.
________________________________________________

Without this happening,
I probably won't grow up and understand girls more.

Days fly by so easily when you are occupied,
and while it was hard to accept it,
and hard to go back to my friends because I can't face her,
all I can do now is stay where I am.

I have calm down,
I'm no longer angry or sad or feeling the pain,
and though I have removed people from my contact list,
it's only because I don't want to know whats going on,
I don't want to know your world.

I'm still fine being friends,
but that is all.

Friends on the surface.
I can dance, or work with you.
But that is all.
______________________________________________

I don't expect anyone to come and hold an umbrella for me,
while I stand under the rain.


Honestly though,
are you really happy?
Building a house from the leftover debris of a burnt one.

What are the odds you'd be able to hold her attention..

I wonder..

Why do I see you when I close my eyes..

Or when I sleep, I see our moments again?

You gnawing on my arm right after a shower
and smelling my shirt.

Or the times when you were afraid after a movie
and I held you close
then carried you on my back along the sidewalks of the road..

I'm tired of it already,
I wanna walk away.
Don't you understand?

I don't wanna see anything of us anymore.
I don't wanna see you,
lying by my side whenever I open my eyes,
only to rub it and realize it's empty.

You seem immune to everything,
but why am I the weak one?

It's no longer painful anymore,
but these moments,
they are carved into my memories already.
Much like the promises you said..

I don't want them anymore,
I wanna be free and walk away.


I hope I don't become like this guy

It so happen that I randomly came across videos of Suju waking each other up and pulling pranks on one another.

I remember back then when we had similar things too,
our group.

Be it, hunting for food because we were hungry
and then rejoicing when we finally found a shop selling cup noodles
or cooking it and eating it on the hotel floor and talking.

Or the times when we'd have trips, and have fun during practice sessions.

Good times, when there were no girls
and just us.

Now?

I have no confidence joining back
I feel uncomfortable
and I am ignored because you are in love with the source of my discomfort.


and then I have friends asking me,
Why are you still going back to them?

Real friends won't do this to you.


That made me think..

No love is forever,
if you believe in that then you are a fool.


Now that we are all above the age of immaturity,
perhaps it is time to act our age and look for love,
not infatuation and sparks at first sight.


I can't even fathom how it is like,
to be a person who loves without seeing a future.
I feel sorry seeing how stupid people can be.

 
People like this,
should grow out of immaturity,
and stop looking at flowers.

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Though separated and different, they share the same love for one another.


Improving myself is 1 thing..

But I will never change my ideals,
and change myself just because of you.
____________________________________________

Time doesn't heal scars,
it plasters the wound with scar tissues,
shielding the mind from hurting itself.
Opening my eyes, and forgiving myself,
suddenly makes the wound painless.


The deeper I fall,
the harder it is to wake up,
is it the dreamer that refuses to see the blue skies,
or the skies that refuse to acknowledge the dreamer?


In a desert searching for an oasis,
I was on my way to find my soulmate,
I merely stopped by and had a seat with you,
thinking perhaps you might be the one.


I get stronger day by day,
not hesitating as I used to, erasing you,
that surge of courage,
is it anger and hatred, or my awareness
that it's not you, destined to be in my arms,
I wonder..


I'll be on my way now.

Hmm.. maybe instead of throwing mandarin orange into the ocean,

perhaps I should take one and throw it at your face :D


Naww, I'm just kidding


No really.. I'm kidding :/

I can't be consumed by hate.

I can't let anger get to me.

I won't hate, I won't dislike.
I empty my feelings into a flask and lock them.
Not taking them out is a problem now,
but with time..perhaps..

Time may change me, but not my ideals.

I won't throw my vows and dreams away,
because I fell down and hurt myself.



Be strong,
Be tough,

Be me.
Only I can do that.

I'm sure there will be a time,
when I am lost again..
or my map flew away..
or I lost my bearings..

but, my heart will guide me.


I have to trust myself, and aim high.

I got this, right?